“What does love mean to you?”
“How do you define when a relationship is going well or seemingly headed towards the rocks?“
If you’re reading this perhaps you are feeling strain within your relationship – maybe even at the point of make-or-break? The most common reasons for UK couples entering into counselling are communication problems (79.7%), rows and arguments (68.8%) and managing conflict (67.8%). Rest assured you’re not alone!
A recent study showed that around 42% of marriages end in divorce citing issues such as money problems, infidelity, interference from ex-partners and parents, differences in sexual libido, children from previous relationships, differences in communication and conflict resolution, and keeping trust and privacy within the relationship. Many couples silently agree to give up excitement, novelty and sexual satisfaction for security and stability, but does it have to be such a trade-off?
Certain types of counselling may only offer you techniques to improve your surface communication skills however I believe there’s more to healing a relationship than taking turns holding a talky stick! I offer unique work at a deep and authentic emotional level allowing us to explore the bigger picture, observe how our own histories are unconsciously informing our behaviour, and enabling you to gain valuable insight into one another.
We are complex social creatures hardwired for intimacy and connection but sometimes we can lose sight of that which brought us together
For some couples counselling may be about resolving an external problem which has rocked your foundations – an affair, a lie, or a painful event. For others it may be more difficult to put into words – more a general sense of drifting apart, change in dynamic, or loss of emotional or sexual interest.
Things will only stay the same if we allow them continue – sessions can help you redefine the rules of your play and get yourself out of your relationship rut.
I believe you can find the spark again – difficult times can propel you into a new relationship phase
Types of areas we will look at:
☑️ Learning – teaching you how to communicate effectively and listen to one another without desire to attack or defend (developing active listening skills).
☑️ Emotional – Moving towards a state of empathy, vulnerability, intimacy and passion. Learning to let go and move towards compassion and forgiveness.
☑️ Strategies – Looking closely at what our needs are and seeing where they are currently being met; and understanding what our partner’s needs are and seeing where we meet them.
☑️ Practical – Defining our own boundaries and building autonomy within the relationship (security).
☑️ Self-reflection – Identifying patterns (and replacing negative transactions with positive solution-based communication).
☑️ Attachment styles – Understanding how our own blueprint of relationships is impacting on our current situation.
☑️ Power – Understanding power in a relationship and working towards equalising/ restoring or creating balance.
☑️ Sexuality – tapping into our sense of primal desire, reigniting intimacy and passion and learning to communicate our needs clearly.
My role is that of impartial facilitator stimulating a healthy constructive dialogue and providing deeper clarity. Whilst it’s essential to self- reflect, own, and address our behaviour I assure you that our space will be free from judgement and I certainly won’t be taking any sides.
It is however also important to consider that not all relationship counselling results in things working out. In certain cases both parties feel happier and healthier to end the partnership after all avenues have been explored, and in those instances we will endeavour to work towards a separation which is amicable, fair and respectful, paying close attention to shared commitments and responsibilities (e.g. co-parenting).
“I define connection as the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.”Brené Brown